Bob Selden: Has Australia become too negative?

By Bob Selden

Since returning to Australia after living overseas for seven years, one thing that has struck me is the negativity of our language.  

"No worries" and "No problems" have replaced “That’s Okay”, “It’s fine”, “Sure thing”, and in shops "My pleasure" and “You're welcome".

The country sayings of "She'll be right" and “She's apples" have virtually disappeared, although I'm told you can still hear these occasionally outback.

 Although I’ve heard “No worries” referred to as “the national motto” of Australia, it is extremely negative.

Cleaver Greene (actor Richard Roxburgh), the criminal lawyer in the popular ABC series Rake is spruiking about this negativity.  In an episode where he is trying to console his drug-addicted girlfriend he says “Hey, do you notice that everybody in the service industry now is saying ‘not a problem’ instead of ‘you’re welcome’? It does my nut in. I didn’t expect there was going to be a problem. You know I only wanted to pick up a latte – you’re a barista, I’m a barrister. We’re all so attuned to the idea of imminent catastrophe that we need reassurance all the time.”

 There are three issues with “No worries” that impact our positivity. Firstly, there is no visual image for the word “No”, so the brain only receives the negative image of “worries”, which immediately alerts the “fight or flight” autonomic nervous system – our control system that operates largely unconsciously and controls such things as heart rate, digestion and respiratory rate.

 Secondly, when using positive or negative words over an extended period, functions in the parietal lobe start to change, which alters your perception of yourself and the people you interact with. A positive view of yourself will bias you toward seeing the good in others, whereas a negative self-image will lead you toward suspicion and doubt about others.Finally, over time, the structure of your thalamus will also change in response to your conscious words, thoughts, and feelings. These thalamic changes affect the way in which you perceive reality.

 So it seems as though the simple “No worries” is having a negative impact on us that we are not aware of!

 There’s also one negative saying that I still find myself guilty of, and that’s responding to someone who says, “G’Day Bob, how are you?”, to which I (too often) find myself responding, “Not bad”, or “Not too bad”, when what I really mean is “Very well, thanks”. You can now readily see the use of “bad” having a very similar impact to “No worries”. It’s one that I’m still working on improving!

 Where did this negativity all start?

If we go way back in time, I think religion, Judaism, Christianity and Islam (to name three that I know about) have a lot to answer for. For example, of the 10 Commandments, eight are expressed in the negative and only two in the positive - that sets the tone for a lot of things.

Read More: Optimism, Spirituality and Religion

 And in terms of Australia’s national motto, we can probably look to popular TV shows and movies of the 70s and 80s, such as Neighbours and Crocodile Dundee, which raised “No worries” to national and international prominence.

 In addition to the negativity of our national motto, I’ve noticed two other areas of language that impact our positivity and, eventually, optimism as Australians – a general lack of courtesy in our society and the hateful words used in sports reporting.

 Let’s start with courtesy.  I've really become aware of the lack of "please" and "thank you", particularly in shops and restaurants.  In fact, I've become so interested in "please" that I'm keeping score.  In the last 12 months, only ONCE has someone said, "that will be $3.50 please", to me, and that happened at a small family Cafe in Bong Bong Street, Bowral.

 How does being courteous affect our brain? To date, there’s very little research on this. However, we do know that when one is being courteous by saying “please” or “thank you” we invariably smile. And smiling has a very positive impact on our brains.

 Each time you smile you throw a little feel-good party in your brain. Scientists have found that the act of smiling activates neural messaging that benefits your health and happiness in three ways. Firstly, smiling activates the release of neuropeptides that work toward fighting off stress. Secondly, the endorphins released when we smile are natural pain relievers. Finally, the serotonin release brought on by your smile serves as an anti-depressant/mood lifter.

Read More: Smile Like an Optimist

And now to those “hateful” sports stories. I’ve always been someone who reads the sports column first, on the basis that that’s where you find the good news. Lately, however, I’ve noticed an increase in the negative description of events. For example, football matches used to be described as “matches”. Now they’re called “battles”, “clashes”, “war zones”, “wars”, “a war of attrition”, and even “hostilities”. And I read recently when a writer was describing an excellent performance as “he killed them”. As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, such negative words have a harmful effect on our brain, our self-image and ultimately the way we perceive the world.

So what are some positive words or rules you can always abide by to create a feeling of optimism with yourself and others you interact with regularly?

  1. Completely eliminate the word “don’t” from your vocabulary – “don’t” has the same impact as phrases such as “No worries”. This is a tough one if you’re up for the challenges, as it took me about 12 months, but it really has a magical impact on your feeling of being optimistic about everything that you’re saying and doing.
  2. Review and eliminate negative words and phrases from your conversations, emails, texts and other communications. Start with your email and texts – and before sending them, change all the negative words and statements into positives – this will give you much-needed practice for using positive words when speaking.
  3. Change negative feelings into words that are more positive. For example, a client said to me the other day, “Bob, I feel I’ve dropped the ball on this one”, to which I responded, “No Craig, you’ve not dropped it, just bounced it so that you’ve caught it again and you are now going to take that action you need to”!

If you want to learn more about changing your language, you may like to read my latest book, “Don’t – Unlock the do in don’t…..How using the right words will change your life” it’s got some great tips for improving your optimism.

Bob Selden is the author of “Don’t: How using the right words will change your life”.

Find out more or contact Bob at http://www.bobselden.com

 

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