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Optimism Jokes and Optimism Humour 

What’s the infectious optimism mortality rate? 

A group of retirees meets in a Tel Aviv coffeehouse to discuss the world's many problems. One of them shocks his friends by announcing: "I'm an optimist."

Another asks: "Then why do you look so worried?"

Answer: "You think it's easy to be an optimist?"

Glass Half Full from Philosophy Matters (1)

 

Have I told you about the Russian optimist and the Riussian pessimist?

The pessimist says, "Things could not get worse."

The optimist says, " Oh yes they can."

An optimist is someone who brings a book to read for an eye dilation test. 

 

A psychiatrist has one son who is a total pessimist, and another who is a complete optimist.  He decides on an experiment.  For Christmas he fills the pessimist’s room with hundreds of beautifully wrapped gifts, and dumps a heap of horse manure in the optimist’s room. On Christmas morning he sees the pessimist boy sitting motionless at the center of his room, eyeing his gifts suspiciously. But over in the optimist’s room he sees his boy filled with joy, digging happily in the odorous pile. He asks the kid what he’s doing and he answers:  "Daddy, with all this horse dung, there’s gotta be a pony in there someplace.” 

The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The communist says the glass is too full, and needs to be redistributed among the other glasses.

 

 

The pessimist says "The glass is half-empty!"

The Optimist says "The glass is half-full!"

The Proactive person says "Actually, the glass is full. I refilled it while you were arguing. You're welcome."

The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The engineer says the glass is over-designed for the quantity of water.

 

 

 

The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The inquisitive troublemaker wants to know what's in the glass anyhow...

 

 

 

The optimist says the glass is half full.    

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The worrier frets that the remaining half will evaporate by morning.

 

 

The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The project manager says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The entrepreneur sees the glass as undervalued by half its potential.

 

 

The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The Marketer says "Your glass needs re-sizing"

The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The physicist says that the glass is not empty at all - it is half-filled with water and half-filled with air - hence, fully filled on the whole!

The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The seminar presenter does not care if the glass is half full or half empty, he just knows that starting the discussion will give him ten minutes to figure out why his PowerPoint presentation is not working.

The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The quantum physicist would say that the water could be inside the glass, or outside the glass, or both, or neither … simultaneously.  It could actual water or a mere wet vector.

(Shared by Nick Ryan who concluded "We need quantum optimism.")

The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

Paul Hogan says "That's not a Glass"

(From Stuart Allinson)

The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The opportunist just drinks the water!

(From John Doran)

The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The journalist/broadcaster "asks" how can we all share your glass and smile for the camera, please?

(From Donagh McKeown)

Miz Feiler, Blogger

"My mother is an optimistic. She taught me to be one too. But now that I am a mother, also juggling a business and a multitude of daily tasks, I understand that it is not always enough for one’s glass to be half full. Sometimes you need to fill that wine glass right to the top."

 

“I put my application in for the Optimist Club.......but I don’t think I’m going to get accepted.”

Attributed to Steven Wright

 

Gratitude JournalProject Optimism has produced "The Optimist's Gratitude Journal: 100 days to share and develop your gratitude" which is very helpful.

See https://www.amazon.com/Optimists-Gratitude-Journal-develop-gratitude/dp/B09MC5ZNPX

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