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Optimism Jokes

What’s the infectious optimism mortality rate?


A group of retirees meets in a Tel Aviv coffeehouse to discuss the world's many problems. One of them shocks his friends by announcing: "I'm an optimist."

Another asks: "Then why do you look so worried?"

Answer: "You think it's easy to be an optimist?"


A psychiatrist has one son who is a total pessimist, and another who is a complete optimist.  He decides on an experiment.  For Christmas he fills the pessimist’s room with hundreds of beautifully wrapped gifts, and dumps a heap of horse manure in the optimist’s room. On Christmas morning he sees the pessimist boy sitting motionless at the center of his room, eyeing his gifts suspiciously. But over in the optimist’s room he sees his boy filled with joy, digging happily in the odorous pile. He asks the kid what he’s doing and he answers:  "Daddy, with all this horse dung, there’s gotta be a pony in there someplace.”

The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The engineer says the glass is over-designed for the quantity of water.

The optimist says the glass is half full.    

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The worrier frets that the remaining half will evaporate by morning.

The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The entrepreneur sees the glass as undervalued by half its potential.

The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The physicist says that the glass is not empty at all - it is half-filled with water and half-filled with air - hence, fully filled on the whole!

The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The pedant says the glass contains half the required amount of liquid for it to overflow.


Miz Feiler, Blogger

My mother is an optimistic. She taught me to be one too. But now that I am a mother, also juggling a business and a multitude of daily tasks, I understand that it is not always enough for one’s glass to be half full. Sometimes you need to fill that wine glass right to the top.

The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The communist says the glass is too full, and needs to be redistributed among the other glasses.

The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The auditor first checks whether the empty half is material and then designs the audit procedures to obtain sufficient evidence to conclude that the glass is indeed empty.

The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The inquisitive troublemaker wants to know what's in the glass anyhow...

The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The project manager says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The seminar presenter does not care if the glass is half full or half empty, he just knows that starting the discussion will give him ten minutes to figure out why his PowerPoint presentation is not working.

"An optimist is someone who brings a book to read for an eye dilation test"

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